It feels pretty good. Knowing that I never intentionally wronged anyone helps me maintain that inner peace. I take pride in knowing I'm not a thief, a liar, a backstabber. Doing good by others and doing good for them makes me feel good and keep a clear conscious. Am I 100% innocent of never saying a bad thing about someone or venting my frustrations? Innocent from going crazy or saying some hurtful things? Hell no, not even close. But a friend is a friend. Once I label someone as a friend, I'm there for them to the very end. Plain and simple. It feels good.
I keep a wall up, tho. For good reason, apparently. Not many penetrate that wall, but some manage to break it down and find themselves a nice, warm little place in my heart and once that happens, they are given that label and I'd do pretty much anything for them.
Come to find out, I've let a few of the wrong ones in.
I was approached by someone who asked to remain anonymous and that wish will absolutely be honored. I was told about the screenshots of the conversations between some of the ones I considered friends. About the nasty things said about me. The things that friends don't say about one another. Names were given, but I didn't ask for many specifics. Because, to be honest, I don't care. I just don't. I'm tired. I can't keep up with the drama anymore. I don't want to. I'm choosing to maintain my inner peace. Given the things I've been told by people here, the information I was given doesn't surprise me at all. Can I without a doubt believe this person? No. But the seed of doubt has been planted, and that's all it takes. I'm human. I have flaws, lots of them. I have feelings and I have insecurities. I have no desire to keep up with it anymore, so I'm washing my hands of it all. I have the impeccable ability of flipping that switch, and it's been flipped. Perfect timing.
Gat damn it feels good to let go!
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