Depression

It pisses me off. Want to know why? Because it takes over my life without permission. It wears out it's welcome and refuses to leave. It won't let me enjoy my life. It rains on my parade every damn day. Silver lining? No, it's rust covered by cheap gray spray paint. That's what it is.

Screw you, depression. You go to hell. You go to hell and you die!

Okay, on a serious note, depression has it's issues. It's a sneaky little asshole that comes and goes as it pleases. Right now I feel trapped. I feel like I'm alone in a little dark hole and there's no light, no way out. And there's no end in sight. The funny thing about it is it has nothing to do with where I am or anything that has happened in my life. It's a mental state, and there's really nothing I can do about it on my own. I tell myself that it's temporary, I'll eventually emerge from the darkness and embrace the light that will shine upon my face. But right now, right here in this moment, life sucks.

Major depression affects approximately 15 million adults, and 80% of those are not being treated for it. Even scarier, 15% of those suffering from depression will kill themselves to escape it. By the year 2020, depression will the second most common health problem in the world, but it's treatable. Unfortunately, persistent ignorance and misperceptions of the disease by the public, and even some health providers, as a personal weakness or failing that can be willed or wished away leads to painful stigmatization and avoidance of the diagnosis by many of those affected. That is a sad reality of depression. I've experienced it. I've been too ashamed to admit it to most people I know, afraid that I would be judged or told to just get over. It's not that easy. If it were, take my word for it, everyone suffering would gladly get over it.

The bad times are bad, but the good times are great. I know that I will not let it beat me. I will place one foot in front of the other, I'll crawl if I have to, I'll drag myself out of the mud. I'll pull myself off the ground. My family deserves better and I deserve better. I'm angry at depression. It's taken the very essence of me and made me something I'm not. It has stolen my shine and my glow. It took my star and left in it's place burnt ashes. I can't let it take any more of me, because there's not much left anyway. I'm going to fight it and I'm going to win. I owe myself that much.

If you or someone you know is suffering from depression, don't ignore it. Get the help that is available to you. Don't be ashamed to talk to your doctor about it. You do deserve to be happy.

suicidehotlines.com

YourLifeYourVoice.org

APlaceOfHope.com

Stop trying and you'll get pregnant.

This is probably one of THE most incredibly stupid statements I have ever heard. How the HELL am I supposed to get pregnant if I stop trying?? You fucking moron.

Okay, no seriously, I get what you're trying to say. Stop stressing over it; Roll with it; It'll happen when it happens (no shit), but you know what? All of that is the wrong thing to say. It really is. When someone would give their left eyeball to become pregnant, we don't want to hear things like "Just let it happen" or "I did this and this, and that's how I got pregnant with my 3rd baby, so give it a try!" The last thing I want to hear is how you successfully got pregnant when I'm sitting over here struggling for years on top of years and have yet to conceive. Just be understanding, offer moral support and keep your unsolicited advice to yourself.

Does this seem harsh? Yes.. but trying to get pregnant with no success is a very emotional and sensitive subject for a woman. We are genuinely happy for you when you announce your great news! We want to hug you and wish you the absolute best. But there's a twinge of pain there, a hint of jealousy and sometimes we go home and we sob into our pillows. There's really no other way to describe the feeling besides.. it just really blows.

So please, next time your friend opens up to you and tells you how sad they are that they just can't seem to get a big fat positive (because if she does open up to you, you're special. She won't talk to just anyone about it), just listen. Suggest you go catch a movie to take her mind off of it. Hug her if you need to. Just don't tell her to relax, or to try some crazy herb or anything else for that matter.. Unless, of course, you're a fertility specialist. Or a miracle worker.

Have some heart. Realize this is a sensitive subject and just let her express herself. It's the only control she has.

Hypocrite.

Hyp-o-crite (hip-uh-krit)

Noun-

1. A person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess, especially a person whose actions belie stated beliefs.

2. A person who feigns some desirable or publicly approved attitude, especially one whose private life, opinions, or statements belie his or her public statements.

Everyone knows one. Nobody wants to be one but everyone IS one at some point in their life. It's just a matter of making yourself look like an ass in public for everyone to see, or being a little less in-your-face about it. I personally don't give a shit what kind of hypocrite you are, but trust and believe I'm going to bust your balls about it if you direct it towards me.

The thing about it is, no one gives a rats ass about your high and mighty attitude. If I call someone childish because they are acting childish, it makes you look stupid if you butt in and tell me I'm being childish for calling someone childish.. Do you not see the irony in that? Or are you really that clueless?

And you're kidding yourself if you think you're better than anyone. Everyone has flaws, some are just a little less prominent than others. Your breath stinks in the morning just like everyone else's. Your shit stinks just as bad as everyone else's. And guess what? Your personality sucks sometimes just like everyone else's can. Everyone has their moments.

(Note: If someone is a bad mother, a thief or an abuser.. you're better than them and you can brag about that. Because they suck. o_O) I digress...

If you're calling someone out for things you're guilty of, you're a hypocrite. If you judge someone for not being able to spell but misspell every other word, you're a hypocrite. If you're judging someone for their actions to cover up the fact that you're insecure in yours, I only have one piece of advice for you: Get over yourself. You look like a fool. Ya dig?