Depression

It pisses me off. Want to know why? Because it takes over my life without permission. It wears out it's welcome and refuses to leave. It won't let me enjoy my life. It rains on my parade every damn day. Silver lining? No, it's rust covered by cheap gray spray paint. That's what it is.

Screw you, depression. You go to hell. You go to hell and you die!

Okay, on a serious note, depression has it's issues. It's a sneaky little asshole that comes and goes as it pleases. Right now I feel trapped. I feel like I'm alone in a little dark hole and there's no light, no way out. And there's no end in sight. The funny thing about it is it has nothing to do with where I am or anything that has happened in my life. It's a mental state, and there's really nothing I can do about it on my own. I tell myself that it's temporary, I'll eventually emerge from the darkness and embrace the light that will shine upon my face. But right now, right here in this moment, life sucks.

Major depression affects approximately 15 million adults, and 80% of those are not being treated for it. Even scarier, 15% of those suffering from depression will kill themselves to escape it. By the year 2020, depression will the second most common health problem in the world, but it's treatable. Unfortunately, persistent ignorance and misperceptions of the disease by the public, and even some health providers, as a personal weakness or failing that can be willed or wished away leads to painful stigmatization and avoidance of the diagnosis by many of those affected. That is a sad reality of depression. I've experienced it. I've been too ashamed to admit it to most people I know, afraid that I would be judged or told to just get over. It's not that easy. If it were, take my word for it, everyone suffering would gladly get over it.

The bad times are bad, but the good times are great. I know that I will not let it beat me. I will place one foot in front of the other, I'll crawl if I have to, I'll drag myself out of the mud. I'll pull myself off the ground. My family deserves better and I deserve better. I'm angry at depression. It's taken the very essence of me and made me something I'm not. It has stolen my shine and my glow. It took my star and left in it's place burnt ashes. I can't let it take any more of me, because there's not much left anyway. I'm going to fight it and I'm going to win. I owe myself that much.

If you or someone you know is suffering from depression, don't ignore it. Get the help that is available to you. Don't be ashamed to talk to your doctor about it. You do deserve to be happy.

suicidehotlines.com

YourLifeYourVoice.org

APlaceOfHope.com